How to prepare for divorce – Practical tips – emotional, legal and organizational. The better you prepare, the less pain and chaos.
How to prepare for divorce
Practical tips – emotional, legal and organizational. The better prepared you are, the less pain and chaos.
The decision has been made – or is maturing slowly, in the silence of your thoughts. You know that divorce is near – but what lies ahead seems like an impassable wall. And that’s why preparation – not only legal, but also emotional and practical – is key.
Divorce is not just a matter in court. It’s the disintegration of the world you knew. It’s a new daily life that you’ll have to adjust to – with your children, with your finances, with your new identity. But the good news is: you can make it easier on yourself. And you can make it a lot easier.
A. Emotional preparation: you don’t have to be ready to start preparing
Separation is mourning. Even if you are the one initiating it. Anger, relief, fear, guilt, uncertainty – all these emotions are normal. But it is their excess that often makes us act impulsively or… not at all.
Practical Tip:
- Make room for emotions – but separate emotions from decisions. We make decisions from our head, not from a shaken heart.
- Start writing a journal of thoughts or conversations – this will help you gain distance and catch patterns.
- Make sure you get support – not just from friends, but from someone neutral. According to Psychology Today, people who receive divorce coaching feel less alone and make better legal and family decisions (source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-divorce/202012/why-would-anyone-need-divorce-coach-here-are-7-reasons).
B. Legal preparation: the basics you need to know
You don’t have to be a lawyer to get into the process well – but you do need to know what you’re up against.
Here are key areas to think about beforehand:
- Will the divorce be with an adjudication of guilt?
- Do you have children together? What about custody, alimony, contact?
- Do you own joint property? Who benefits from the apartment?
- What documents will you need to take to court?
Practical Tip:
Create a folder or online folder with your documents:
- Marriage and birth certificates of children,
- Financial data (accounts, loans, assets),
- joint contracts, documents confirming obligations to children, etc.
The Hello Divorce report shows that people who gathered the necessary data early and knew what they wanted reduced the cost of divorce by an average of 30% (source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-divorce/202012/why-would-anyone-need-divorce-coach-here-are-7-reasons).
C. Organizational preparation: new daily life step by step
It is easier to think about divorce in the context of documents than… who will pick up the child from kindergarten on Wednesdays. But it is precisely this daily routine that is most aggravating.
Practical Tip:
- Make a simple plan for the week: who has children when, how you divide responsibilities.
- Think about your finances – what will you do when your income drops? Do you have a buffer?
- Set a new budget and plan for the move, if necessary.
If this sounds overwhelming – it’s normal. That’s why more and more people are getting outside help. According to Forbes, divorce coaching effectively reduces decision-making chaos and increases the client’s sense of agency (source).
The conclusion? The better prepared you are, the less pain later on
Divorce doesn’t have to be a war. But it won’t be a walk either. It’s a transitional stage – and that’s why you need a map. You can start creating this map yourself/yourself. Or you can ask for help – not because you can’t handle it, but because you want to go through it wisely.
If today you feel that you are standing on the edge – you don’t have to jump right away. Prepare to land first. You can do it more gently, with a plan. With someone to help you not only survive, but also to start building something new.
